Working with Mum's diaries (I have just begun 1944) is like having a time slip conversation with a very old friend. The person who is talking in these pages is the person I remember her to be; at times caustic and critical of others, at times (and much more often) a woman who cared and felt deeply and did all she could to make other's lives better. She is a mixture of naïve and mature, reflective and dismissive, longing for friends and company, as all only children are, but requiring too much from folk. Mum tended to be an all or nothing person, and that intensity shows in her writings. When she talks of "Mummy" in my minds eye sits my Ganna, who wrote novels and was my rescuer and second mother when we came here "after Daddy died". The diaries are full of family names and stories with which I am deeply familiar.. At times there are quirky little sketches inserted, like this, of her new coat or quick drawings of their new kitten George.
But mostly she records her thoughts about life, and events and happenings and family interactions. I wrote earlier of Nirvana, the holiday cottage which belonged to her Aunts, Connie and Harry. These folk are so familiar to me, I met them as a tiny child, we lived in their house (without them - we inherited it) when we moved to Hastings after my Dad died, they are part of the folklore of my childhood, and at times took on an almost incantatory presence for me, I could feel my molecules mingling with theirs. Numerous of those little incidents are recorded here, and were part of my childhood's pattern. I find myself at times almost alive in these recountings of hers, because they were the foundation of our life together
This must be very special, Kat, a bit of time-travel in fact ...
ReplyDeleteWould have loved to know what my mother thought and did then (we were never very close, was more with my father, who was a rather strict person)
Hi Els, it is indeed, and all the more so because for many years Mum and I didn't see too much of each other. We were much closer towards the end of her life, but I feel as though I'm "catching up" with her even though she's no longer here.
ReplyDeleteLovely - if maybe rather emotional. Good to feel the family so close within you!
ReplyDeleteHi Rachel, I think we are rather a family oriented set of folk, which perhaps has to do with both the slightly fey Irish background and the fact that both I and my grandmother lost our fathers very young, and my great grandmother lost six of her siblings. Perhaps one holds more closely to those who are left.
DeleteIt is my belief that experiences of our ancestors before we were born are mixed into our molecules. What a treasure your mother's diaries are. I wonder if you keep diaries too.
ReplyDeleteHello Mary. I like that idea of experience mixed in our molecules, a sort of non physical inheritance perhaps. And yes, I do keep a journal of my own, and have done for many years, using it to work through thoughts and sometimes to comment on current events, I think they are a remarkable tool for focusing in life. I fret sometimes about my daughter reading them when I am gone, but that will be for her to choose, not for me to dictate.
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